The Monsters Have Come

[How much I love kittens.]

Ruru the Cat here. Dangit. That annoying cat, Varya, was right. My people brought home more kittens. I was hoping she was kidding, but she had way too much fun teasing me for me to have peace of mind. Then again, teasing me is one of her favorite hobbies. How can three little monsters be everywhere at once, making everything reek of them?

 

[Back when Phoenix the one-eyed wonder was a kitten.]

And with the way they took her room, I'm stuck coming face to face with Phoenix wayyy too often. Phoenix is that one-eyed cat who thinks we're best friends. We are NOT best friends. She's big and scary and tries to play with me. She doesn't even know how to cat. Dude the panther-sized cat has tossed her in the bath water when she hasn't dipped her own tail in, as if she's not aware it's even there. Why do my people need her again? They have me. I mean, I haven't figured out why my people have any other cats, let alone the dogs. All anyone needs is me. 

[The Three Little Monsters eating MY food.]

And now, there are those silly kittens. The kittens get better food than me, more attention than me, and have been allowed to get way too close to me and even breathe my air. It's my air. I got to it first. Please tell me they're leaving again and soon. Do they not know kittens become cats? I don't think I can take any more cats taking up permanent air and food from my house. Get rid of those monsters soon. 

An Appropriate Box for an Evil Cat

 

[Where this cat belongs.]

Ruru the Cat here. I don't much like the cats around here, mostly because I don't like other cats. Worst of all is the most recent kitten, the one who never grew up. She's still smaller than me. or so I tell myself. But she doesn't mind being small. She's got all the confidence of large cat, but even the resident grumpy old lady cat finds her endearing. Not me. She sneaks up behind me and swats me just for fun. I've never seen a more appropriate box than this one for that cat. 

[Varya's horrible rumor.]

Well, this villainous cat, Varya, has been telling me a most nightmarish rumor, which is that we may get more kittens around here soon. I can only hope this is yet more lies she's telling me just to be evil. She told me she heard it from one of our people. I can't believe our people would be that terrible to me. Okay, I can believe it because they've done it before. Multiple times. I just don't WANT to believe it. So I won't. 

Doggie Fieldtrips I Don't Envy

 

[As far from home as I want to get--the living room.]

Ruru the Cat here. I would tell you why I haven't written in a while, but cats don't give up their secrets. So I don't leave the house. Ever. I don't want to. It's scary out there. There are monsters that killed my brother. There are monsters that would be happy to kill me, flying monsters, rolling monsters with engines, fluffy monsters. I hear about them but don't want to meet them, myself. I've only ever left the house against my will. But the dogs will often run out of the house like it's an exciting thing. As I've said before, dogs are nuts. 

[Our house panther/bully.]

Often, the dogs just run out back. Sometimes, they go on walks. On a LEASH. And they LIKE it. It makes absolutely no sense. For a while, my people scammed Dude into thinking he was a dog and got him to go out on a leash. Soon enough, he figured out he was a cat. Now, he's a panther who rules the house. No one would dare take him for a walk now. Though they sometimes grab him and hold him and pet him. It does NOT make him happy. He's four times my size. I have nothing to do with him if I can help it. 

[Leaving the house: it's a TRAP.]

Well, field trips can get worse. Much MUCH worse. One time, Bean left with a smile on his face, and it turned out they tricked him into a BATH. There are real reasons I don't go anywhere. I never can tell if they're going to trick me into a bath. *Shudder.*

[Bean at the Vet: Just no.]

Oh, but it can get worse still. Recently, they took both dogs out, and both were so happy. But then, they dragged them to the VET. I can't imagine a worse field trip than getting stabbed and poked and prodded like that. Let me tell you that going outside is just a bad idea. Friends don't let friends leave the house. If someone invites you to leave EVER, just say no.