Hunting Season

People think the fall is hunting season.  No, for cats like me, spring is the true hunting season.  My brother caught and killed a mouse in a spectacular fashion, throwing it around for hours and growling at anyone who messed with his toy.  He was most upset when it stopped playing back.  At least he had fun.  My sister caught and crunched one of those funny little black things that keep flying around here.  I think they're called flies.  I keep hoping to catch one, too.  Or better yet, a mouse.  I keep stalking the same places he got his, but I haven't had luck yet.  

We also keep finding box elder bugs wandering around.  And that's only the beginning of the buffet line that comes with spring, or so the older cats keep telling me.  Moths, butterflies, mice, caterpillars...Wow, where have you been all my life, spring?  All seven months of my life.  I guess I kind of skipped spring all together last year, didn't I?  Ah, well.  I'm here now and ready for action.

Field Trip from the Abyss [AKA Class Presentation with Cat]

You won't believe the nightmare I was just put through.  Seriously.  See, I'm a cat.  I have lovely catlike days.  I snuggle my person in the morning.  I play with my brothers and sisters during the day when we're not sound asleep.  I sometimes let my person mommy snuggle me if I'm desperate enough for attention.  Things are pretty quiet around here.  Occasionally, there's a kerfluffle between a dog and a cat or two cats, but it's fine.  I know how the world works.

But recently, my person mommy stuck me in this nasty plastic box that smelled like other animals.  It was cramped and uncomfortable.  Then I was stuck in this box on wheels that moved really fast.  It made me kind of sick, especially the glimpses I got of other big boxes on wheels moving by just as fast.  My person mommy didn't even do anything when I called out to get out of the plastic box.  I think they call it "driving in a car," but I could be wrong.  It's horrible.  I don't see why ANYONE would want to do this EVER.

Then, my person mommy took me inside this big building that smelled like kids and kind of like food.  But nobody shared with me.  I was taken into a big room of other people who were not my people.  Little people who wanted to touch me and hold me.  But they are NOT MY PEOPLE.  The only good thing about the whole thing was my person was there.  She held me the whole time.  I think she was talking about me because she kept saying my name.  So after my person finished talking about me to all these kids sitting around her, then she hauled me around.  All these kids kept putting their person cooties on me that I knew I'd have to wash off.  They put me in that dreadful plastic box and THEN they brought out the yummy smelling food I'm pretty sure were cupcakes.  With milk in the icing.  AND THEY DIDN'T SHARE.  What are people thinking?

And just to add insult to injury, I was dragged back into the car thing and hauled through that loud, smelly horror of driving home all over again, and my person didn't even come home with me.  What were they THINKING?  I spent the rest of the day napping, washing off cooties, and dreaming of cupcakes.

Dumb Dog

So there's this annoying dog that insists she must be my guest blogger this week or else.  You see, I know and you now a cat like me is much more entertaining to listen to.  But this dog is so annoyingly persistent about wanting to write her own blog that I'll let her just this once.  Her name is Skittles, and she's my person's grandma's dog.  And she's really annoying.  Trust me.  But here she is.

Hi!  I'm Skittles!  I'm that cute one up above.  I'm way cooler than some dumb cat.  Even if I did stand in line behind her shyly, waiting to eat, when she was really tiny, I'm still way more awesome than any cat.  See, when I lived with Ruru and her crazy cat clan, I was really really shy.  I had just spent the first of my life living with scary dogs.  Here's one of them.  Look at that tongue.  She was usually licking the ground without bending over.  I mean, how creepy is that?  

 But I could handle her [sort of.]  the one I couldn't handle was this one.  I mean, I could have been her doggie treat at any time.  Why does anyone need a bull mastiff, anyway?  She was a HORSE not a dog. I'm really cute and little, a part poodle.  I have long legs, but I would curl up into a really tiny ball to hide from those scary dogs.  

After I left Ruru's house, I went to live with a sweet little old couple.  And I have them wrapped around my little toe.  Seriously.  I own that house.  I say jump, and they jump.  They complain about my refusing to eat anything that says dog food on the package [of course I can read; I can write!].  They whine that every time anything that moves and breathes comes down the block, I go nuts, barking, and want to chase them down the street.  Even the big ones because my ego has grown A LOT since I have learned I'm the center of these people's world.  They also complain that I will chew on anything that isn't nailed down if they're gone because I get anxious and lonely.  They also even complain that all I want is to be loved ALL DAY LONG.  I hear them complain about all of that, but I hear them doing that with adoration in their tone.  They LOVE me.  They were LOST without me.  I'm that awesome.  Okay, so I'm done.  That's it.  Back to you, stupid cat.  

Hey, this is Ruru again.  Really?  You call that a blog?  That's a BRAG, not a blog.  Show me to trust a dog with my blog.  Feel lucky that I don't erase it, silly Skittles.  I just want people to know cats are way better at blogging than some stupid dog.

What a real blogger looks like. 

Food! Glorious Food!

There is a world of food out there that most of the cats in my house just don't get.  I'm a cat, but that doesn't mean I have to stick to meat and cheese.  Don't get me wrong.  I got NUTS for meat and cheese.  I talked a long time about this in my Jekyll and Hyde post.  Dude, it's a physical transformation.  Kind of like the Hulk but smaller, fuzzier, and cuter.

But other cats around here don't get it.  Sure, they like meat and cheese.  A lot of them even like yogurt, which makes me want to run away.  I mean, that stuff is NASTY.  They made me eat some during my kittenhood when my stomach was upset.  I won't go near it now.

But check it.  I'll try almost anything the first time.  I tried coconut this week.  It's really good stuff.  I go wild for lettuce.  Not so much into carrots or pineapple.  But peanut butter makes me crazy with joy.  I've been fighting all week for the chance to eat my person's birthday cake.  I even sat on the plastic cover on the cake, hoping a piece would hop out at me.  My people were kind of upset when I made the letters come off the cake and go onto the plastic.  I thought it was funny.  Tortillas are awesome [especially with cheese inside.]  It's the same with bread. I will jump onto the stove for used oil or better yet, bacon grease, as long as it's not hot.  Don't give me hot things.  I will stare at anything hot for long enough that the dog steals it if it's even a little hot.  But I'll take ALMOST anything else.  Especially lettuce.

You know, my people should have known I'd be an eater.  First off, my very fur spells NOM NOM.  There's an M on my forehead, N's on my shoulders and rear, and an O on both sides.  I guess it comes of having to fight for food among my six bigger brothers and sisters when I was little.  But even the dogs don't challenge me once the food is mine.  If they do, I will eat them, too.