When They Sneak up on You

[Me, minding my own business on my cat tree.]

Ruru the Cat here. I've filed complaints with management (i.e. my slacker human staff) about this cat before, but it's really getting old. A certain cat around here is under the delusion that she's my very bestest friend in the whole wide world. Like I said, delusional. I have no best friends, at least among the four-legged variety. I'm a big fan of humans (except when they're being slackers) because they own hands. And body heat. See my last blog for the awesomeness that is the human hand used correctly. 

[Someone's inviting me to play. Just no!]

Well, this cat's name is Phoenix. She's half-blind, but you'd think she was all blind with the way she can't see I don't like her. She'll jump right out at me and say, "Play?" I know when she's proper type of attacking to kill because she'll growl and hiss at every cat that isn't me or Maya (her even better bestest friend supposedly. Poor thing.) She finds them terrifying because they're BIG. I guess I should take it as an insult that she likes me at all. 

[This is me, hiding, NOT inviting play.]

So I'll be sitting there, minding my own business. Taking a nap, taking in the glow of my kingdom as queen of the world, waiting for treats at the top of my cat tree, waiting to steal my dog food...it doesn't much matter what I'm doing. I'll be at peace when she comes right up to me and invites me to play with her. PLAY! Do I look like a kitten? I only play solitaire by killing my tail. Sometimes, I condescend to play slaps with my humans when they tap my tail respectfully, and I tap back, then they tap and so on. I'm pretty good at that one. But what I do NOT do is play with other cats. Like a kitten. It seems so childish and annoying. 

[Here she is, getting ready to pounce on ME.]

The only thing that makes it tolerable is I get the upper hand. Sometimes, I'll just watch her antics, tail wagging, but sometimes, she makes this impossible by actually touching me with those huge murder mittens of hers. It's TERRIFYING. Can someone please haul this cat away? Please? Tell me. What would you do to protect me from these attacks? 

Bookworm

 

[This weirdo loves books.]

Ruru the Cat here. You know how much I hate kittens? Hint: a lot. Well, we have this cat around here who just won't grow up. She's decided to remain forever small and just keep acting like a kitten. It's almost cute when she sticks pipe cleaners on Wren's head or talks to those stupid pipe cleaners. Or when she's messing with other cats. It's even cute when she messes with the humans' projects. She can't get enough of climbing in and around books. 

[It's not enough to snuggle the book. She has to burrow.]

But when she runs up my nice, safe cat tree and messes with me when I'm trying to nap? She's gone too far. Honestly. That Varya is a nut. A kitten who refuses to cat, even though she's almost two years old. You'd think a cat would mature out of that. But you can just see how she won't stop playing. She is chaos incarnate. 

[What even is this thing.]

All these doodles tell me my humans have been working on that book that has me in it again. I'm eager to have everyone talk about how amazing I am. But here, of course, the undersized cat/oversized kitten is messing with these pictures, including drawings of me. That kitten drives me nuts.