Doggie Fieldtrips I Don't Envy

 

[As far from home as I want to get--the living room.]

Ruru the Cat here. I would tell you why I haven't written in a while, but cats don't give up their secrets. So I don't leave the house. Ever. I don't want to. It's scary out there. There are monsters that killed my brother. There are monsters that would be happy to kill me, flying monsters, rolling monsters with engines, fluffy monsters. I hear about them but don't want to meet them, myself. I've only ever left the house against my will. But the dogs will often run out of the house like it's an exciting thing. As I've said before, dogs are nuts. 

[Our house panther/bully.]

Often, the dogs just run out back. Sometimes, they go on walks. On a LEASH. And they LIKE it. It makes absolutely no sense. For a while, my people scammed Dude into thinking he was a dog and got him to go out on a leash. Soon enough, he figured out he was a cat. Now, he's a panther who rules the house. No one would dare take him for a walk now. Though they sometimes grab him and hold him and pet him. It does NOT make him happy. He's four times my size. I have nothing to do with him if I can help it. 

[Leaving the house: it's a TRAP.]

Well, field trips can get worse. Much MUCH worse. One time, Bean left with a smile on his face, and it turned out they tricked him into a BATH. There are real reasons I don't go anywhere. I never can tell if they're going to trick me into a bath. *Shudder.*

[Bean at the Vet: Just no.]

Oh, but it can get worse still. Recently, they took both dogs out, and both were so happy. But then, they dragged them to the VET. I can't imagine a worse field trip than getting stabbed and poked and prodded like that. Let me tell you that going outside is just a bad idea. Friends don't let friends leave the house. If someone invites you to leave EVER, just say no. 

Now, I'm Getting Mad

[It's me!]

Bean: 

Hi!  I'm Bean!  I wanna talk all about some amazing things!

Ru: 

Sorry, Bean.  This is Ru the Cat, and this is my blog.  You have to wait until next week.  I am so upset that I can't find words for how mad my humans made me this week.  

Bean: 

But humans are wonderful!  Wait, what's a human?

[My face on kittens. Any questions?]

Ru: 

Ignore the small, brainless dog.  My humans have done it again.  I've blogged all about how much I can't stand kittens, how much kittens drive me nuts, how frustrating kittens are because they have no respect for big, smart cats.  Particularly me.  

[The hoards have descended on my spot.]

Well, my humans have let in more kittens.  Not just more kittens.  Not two or three or even four.  SIX more kittens.  Six.  My humans have become addicted to the little monsters.  And they bring the little beasts out of their isolated room wayyyy too often to give them love.  MY love.  That I should have. 

 

[Dumb Wren getting my lovings from my person.]

I thought they'd learned their lesson when they brought in Wren.  He's a little bipolar creature who flips from purry sweet to murderous in a second with no provocation or reason.  That, I can respect.  What I can't respect is that he doesn't leave my butt noodle alone.  It's my tail, and I want to play with it.  I don't need anyone else putting their smells on it. 

[Dumb dog, just say no.]

But I digress.  My main point is my house has been invaded by little monsters that will attack me, the dogs, the humans, anyone simply for sitting in their way.  Worse yet, anyone there may just get sucked on because they obviously have no sense at all.  A dumb, little boy dog is not going to give them milk or anything else but a headache. 

[These monsters are stealing my attention.]

There is no logic, no caution, no intelligence to those annoying hairballs.  They just eat or attack anything in their path and poop everywhere.  I just can't handle this. Humans, you're fired. 

A Crazy Mystery!

[Not sure what it is.]

 Beanie the doggie here! Ru left her blog open and went to hide somewhere else! So I'm here, and want to know what this thing is!  It's this clump of something, kind of like a poop!  It smells funny!  It's cold!  I have no clue what it is!  I've never seen it before, well, not up close!

[On my mommy's head!]

It even sits on people's heads!  My mommy's head!  I tried to sit on her shoulder like I do, but they wouldn't let me!  It doesn't seem to do much!  It doesn't smell like anything scary, but it doesn't smell like anything I understand!  Why is it on Mommy's head? 

[I like it better on the boy's head.  Then, I can sit on Mommy's shoulder.]

I don't know what it likes about heads!  I just don't get what it is!  I think it's an animal!   Oh, look!  It's Ru!  I'm just trying to figure out what this thing is!  

[The ball of death string.]

Seriously, dumb dog, what are you doing getting that close to a dangerous predator?  And can you quit it with the exclamation points, already?  The thing's a killer, a coiled bringer of death that can wrap its muscular tail around you and choke the life out of you.  She won't with you because you're a twig with hair. Less meat than the frozen rats she actually eats.  You need to fear her, nonetheless.  Better yet, fear me.  I'm more dangerous than she is, so you should give me your food.  All of it. 'Cuz I'm scary like that.  

Hi hi hi! It's me, Bean!

[Me on my mommy's shoulder, my favorite spot]

 Hi!  I'm Bean!  Ru doesn't feel like writing a blog today, so I get to write!  I'm a Pomeranian puppy!  I like to ride mommy's shoulder down the road!  It's so much fun!  I like to visit people and jump on them and lick their nose!  It's amazing! 

[Here was my good buddy, Dude, trying to save me from the box!  It didn't work!]

But something happened this week that wasn't fun!  Mommy took me in a box in a nasty car thingy! It smelled yucky, and I was stuck in a box, so far from Mommy!  Then, I had to get poked and prodded, and it hurt!  I didn't like it at all!  I didn't feel so good for the rest of the day!  But then, I got to sit by Mommy's leg, and it was better!  

[Where I should be, at home, getting hugged.]

Then, two days later, Daddy took me away from Mommy and back in the nasty box!  We went back to the place where they poked me, and they poked me again!  Then I went to sleep for a long time!  When I woke up, my body felt funny, and my mouth hurt!  But then, I got home, and Mommy was there!  And everything was okay again!  Now, I feel great! 

[Me, miserable and wet and cold!]

Except I didn't like getting stuck in the water after that!  That wasn't fun!  But everything else is great!

[Leave blogging to the cats; Dogs don't get it]

Dog.  Oh, Dog, please leave enough exclamation points for the rest of us.  Just because I'm not doing a blog doesn't mean you can.  Seriously.  Ruru the Cat here.  Teach me to leave my blog unguarded.  Sounds like they took you to the vet twice, gave you shots, had your baby teeth pulled, then, add insult to injury, bathed you.  They must really hate you.  Smart of them.    Yet, still, you use exclamation points.  Funniest part was looking at you in the bath.  You're a stick with hair.  It's amazing.  I laughed so hard, I almost fell off my perch. Better you than me. Next time, I'll write my own blog, thank you.  

You're welcome!

Not what I meant.