Alone Is My Happy Place

[The only one I need in my world.]

Ruru the Cat here.  There are so many reasons I like to be alone in my adult people's room. One is that the adult people are often there, giving love to just me. I'll follow them around and sit on them to remind them they need to love me. I know this may not sound like alone to you, but if there are no cats or dogs around, it's alone enough for me. People don't really count. They are my favorite kind of pet. 

[Even the little ones are getting big and scary.]

However, when I step foot outside, all the cats that are bigger than me (which is almost everyone) like to chase me around and beat on me. Even the ones that I thought I were terrified of me because I bullied them when they were little. Now, they bully me instead. It's just not fair. 

The only places I feel safe are on my cat tree because I can defend my throne on my cat tree, in my people's room, and in my underwear drawer. No one can find me or beat on me there. Or, on the tree, I can defend it and beat on anyone who tries to mess with me. Everywhere else, I feel so small and beat-on-able. 

[Raccoons and badgers and cars. Oh, my.]

I also can't go outside. I've heard too many scary things about cats getting killed by those big box things called cars. They're the worst kind of predator. Our neighbor lost another cat to these monsters. But there are also winged monsters and clawed monsters I don't understand out there. No, that's not a place to feel safe.  So I'll stay in my underwear drawer or my people's room or my cat tree and feel safe and powerful and strong. Toothless, quit laughing at me. I'm still queen of the world, even if not enough worship me. Just a small queen. Amazingness comes in small package. 

Dog Blog

 

[Something's out of place.]

Jude: Hi! My name is Jude! I'm a puppy! Ru said I could type her blog, so here I am! I love to visit my neighbors 'cuz I can poop everywhere and run around outside in a fence! It's so much fun! But I miss my people when I'm here! I also miss my favorite cats in the world at my house! I love to chase them around. Here, the cats just hide!

Ru: You see the problem. Of course we hide. She's big and scary. A PUPPY, which is even worse than our three tiny dogs that I can bully. It's such a pain to have a yappy, annoying, busy puppy in my house. 

[Dumb pup in my dog food bowl.]

Jude: I thought I was blogging! It's my turn!

Ru: Shows how much you know. Like I'd let some dumb mutt steal my whole blog. I'm just telling the truth after you get done showing everything else. 

Jude: I'm confused! Anyway, so I was here for a whole day while my family went somewhere they called an amusement park! I wish I could be there with them! Instead, I was stuck at the neighbor's eating everything I could. 

Ru: You see the problems? Dogs are all confused. They think they're in charge just 'cuz they're big and that they have a right to MY dog food. 

 

[Stick with those just like you, the ones who can't spell IQ.]

Jude: But it was fun. I got to hang out and play with the little dogs and go on a walk!  I even chased a cat out of the weeds!  It was great! I missed my people, but I love visiting with neighbors!

Ru: Makes one of us. 

Vulching like a Vulture

[I'm not amused by others sneaking between me and my plates of food.]

Ruru the Cat here. I used to be the one to perch over my people's plates every time, staking out my turf to make sure it was all mine. This was before my people were so foolish as to let the curse of puppies strike our house, before my people got addicted to letting silly little kittens or stray cats in my house.  The food was all mine, and they knew it. 

[Note the dumb cat vulching on the birthday cake that should have been mine.]

I could lay claim to an entire loaf of bread by chewing through the bag, be handed meat and cheese while my humans made dinner, and be handed the empty plates. Everyone knew their place, and it was to spoil me rotten.  It was my privilege, as my people would say, to "vulch," which, apparently, is derived from the word "vulture," whatever that means. 

[And now, there are more of them surrounding my cake.]

Now, Bean the eternal puppy, Varya the kitten, or one of the big, mean cats take my place. They chase me away if I even try to perch somewhere to await the dregs. I can scarcely go downstairs to get my own dinner anymore. My brother says this is my fault because I picked on all of them when they were little, and then every one of them got bigger than me. I say he doesn't get it. I'm the queen. It's my house. If they don't acknowledge it, that's their problem. 

Favorite Prey

 

[My favorite toy.]

Hi.  Ru isn't in the mood to write today.  I'm Varya the crazy kitten or maybe I'm a wolf. I'm not sure. I get called lots of things.  But I just wanted to talk about my favorite thing in the world: pipe cleaners.  I don't get why they're called that, but they're wiggly and amazing.  I bat at them, and they fight back. 

[The next best thing to a mouse.]

I keep hoping to find my very own mouse, but Paige steals all the pretend mice, and the guys seem to get to the live mice before I even know they're there.  I got to sniff a dead one, but it didn't play with me.  So instead, I haul around these lovely, fluffy things everywhere.  

Nobody fights me for them. I can drop one and kill it and kill it again.  They don't take up much space, and they're super lightweight.  Ru thinks I'm silly, but I think they're the best things in the world.  Everyone should get some. Even Ru. 

My Person Was there for Me!

 

[When it was just me]

Ruru the Cat here.  It's been a long time since my person has worshiped me properly.  I used to rule her room. It was great. It was a quiet space with just my person there to give me all the attention I wanted and then to stand by and be ready any time I wanted affection. Okay, so sometimes she pet me when I hadn't given her permission. I could forgive that as long as her room was all mine.  

[Tolerating Kittens]

Well, then the kittens all piled into my room, and it stopped being my room, a quiet space for just me and my person.  I couldn't even stand to be in there anymore because their smells were everywhere, covering up my own. And you know how monstery kittens can be.  They just won't leave you ALONE.  And there came one after another after another. And now, most of them are bigger than me.  

[Like this. Do this all the time.]

Well, this week, she gave me some real time. She didn't try to take me to her room. Nobody would have liked that because I've since claimed her maternal parent's room. There, I can be in silence and periodically get attention. Not as much as I'd like, but at least no one picks on me there. But my person just came up to me and pet me and pet me and rubbed my belly and my face and just didn't leave. It was the greatest moment I can remember. Now, if only I can get my person to worship me like that all the time, I'd almost be able to ignore the rest of the cats or even almost like them. Nah. But at least I'd get the worship I deserve.  

Aggressively Affectionate

[Me patiently ignoring the little monster.]

 Ru: This is Ruru the Cat. Like I said last week, I only tolerate my brother, Toothless, and the kitten, Varya, my brother because he knows I can beat his butt and the kitten because she's smaller than me. I do worry that situation won't last, which means I'll have to treat her like I do every other cat in the house: to put down my claws and make it clear who owns the house. It's not that I'm afraid of cats that are bigger than me. It's that they're all big and mean and deserve to be growled at. Stop laughing, Toothless. Well, because I tolerate her, I'm going to let Varya take my blog, so I don't have to.  

[Me and my good buddy on our person.]

Varya: Hi! Of course, Ru likes me! I'm everybody's best friend, whether they like it or not. I love to chase around and kill the puppy! It puts a big smile on that silly little dog's face. 

[Be my friend. Or else.]

I love to snuggle cats, even if they try to tell me to go away.  I love to pin them down and lick them until they love me.  I love everybody, even if I have to whip them into loving me. I love being everybody's best friend!

[Who knew this little dust bunny could be so scary?] 

Ru: Yeah, I'm a little bit nervouse for the day you do get bigger than me. You may MAKE me snuggle you. I think I'll be hiding in the drawer now.  

Butt Noodle Envy

 

[The only one I can handle on my cat tree 'cuz she's smaller than me.]

Ruru the Cat here. I've been hiding in my bedroom the last week. Too much cat drama. Didn't feel like blogging, either. It's hard to blog from an underwear drawer, too.  I mean, this is my house, right? Why am I stuck hiding all the time just because my humans aren't smart enough to get rid of some cats? The ones that aren't me? 

[The upstarts and their soft, soft tails taking over my cat tree.]

Anyway, so I was sitting on my favorite perch at the very top of my cat tree when the annoying brat Wren sat on the second-highest perch. I often remind him he's NOT welcome. This time was no different. But instead of respecting my prior claim, he just laid down, back to me and stuck his stinking butt noodle in my face, like he was trying to be as obnoxious as possible.  

[Can someone order me one of these plushy butt noodles?]

I mean, how is that all the youngest cats all ended up with such plushy butt noodles?  The humans can't seem to get enough of touching them. So I couldn't resist touching it, too. I grabbed it and licked it while he couldn't see me because I wanted to see how soft it was. And man, it was so soft and plushy.  Why couldn't I have such a plushy, soft tail? Humans wouldn't probably pet me twice as much if I had that amazing a tail. Why do the jerks get the plushy butt noodles when I get stuck with my sad, sorry, little one? Makes me grumpy.  Wren has the nerve to not only take over my house, but to challenge my right to the cat tree, and now, to have such a plushy tail. It's just not fair. I'll be over here, in my room that the adult humans think is there, working on plushing up my butt noodle. It'll make me feel better. Not as good as if I could just toss him and his plushy tail out the door. But I'll take what I can get.