When They Sneak up on You

[Me, minding my own business on my cat tree.]

Ruru the Cat here. I've filed complaints with management (i.e. my slacker human staff) about this cat before, but it's really getting old. A certain cat around here is under the delusion that she's my very bestest friend in the whole wide world. Like I said, delusional. I have no best friends, at least among the four-legged variety. I'm a big fan of humans (except when they're being slackers) because they own hands. And body heat. See my last blog for the awesomeness that is the human hand used correctly. 

[Someone's inviting me to play. Just no!]

Well, this cat's name is Phoenix. She's half-blind, but you'd think she was all blind with the way she can't see I don't like her. She'll jump right out at me and say, "Play?" I know when she's proper type of attacking to kill because she'll growl and hiss at every cat that isn't me or Maya (her even better bestest friend supposedly. Poor thing.) She finds them terrifying because they're BIG. I guess I should take it as an insult that she likes me at all. 

[This is me, hiding, NOT inviting play.]

So I'll be sitting there, minding my own business. Taking a nap, taking in the glow of my kingdom as queen of the world, waiting for treats at the top of my cat tree, waiting to steal my dog food...it doesn't much matter what I'm doing. I'll be at peace when she comes right up to me and invites me to play with her. PLAY! Do I look like a kitten? I only play solitaire by killing my tail. Sometimes, I condescend to play slaps with my humans when they tap my tail respectfully, and I tap back, then they tap and so on. I'm pretty good at that one. But what I do NOT do is play with other cats. Like a kitten. It seems so childish and annoying. 

[Here she is, getting ready to pounce on ME.]

The only thing that makes it tolerable is I get the upper hand. Sometimes, I'll just watch her antics, tail wagging, but sometimes, she makes this impossible by actually touching me with those huge murder mittens of hers. It's TERRIFYING. Can someone please haul this cat away? Please? Tell me. What would you do to protect me from these attacks? 

Favorite Prey

 

[My favorite toy.]

Hi.  Ru isn't in the mood to write today.  I'm Varya the crazy kitten or maybe I'm a wolf. I'm not sure. I get called lots of things.  But I just wanted to talk about my favorite thing in the world: pipe cleaners.  I don't get why they're called that, but they're wiggly and amazing.  I bat at them, and they fight back. 

[The next best thing to a mouse.]

I keep hoping to find my very own mouse, but Paige steals all the pretend mice, and the guys seem to get to the live mice before I even know they're there.  I got to sniff a dead one, but it didn't play with me.  So instead, I haul around these lovely, fluffy things everywhere.  

Nobody fights me for them. I can drop one and kill it and kill it again.  They don't take up much space, and they're super lightweight.  Ru thinks I'm silly, but I think they're the best things in the world.  Everyone should get some. Even Ru. 

Have a Ball

 

[Something about eyes]

Ruru the Cat here.  So check it.  My person has started doing weird things.  I didn't give her permission, so I can't imagine what it's about.  She stares at books with weird things over her eyes and all sorts of crazy things.  They call it eye therapy and says it has something to do with headaches she gets when she reads.  Never had them.  Seems kind of made up to me.  None of it makes sense at all.  She can see me, pet me, and that's all she needs to be able to do as a bearer of human hands.  I can't imagine her eyes have anything to do with it.  Her eyes can't pet me.  

[The ball we all want to kill.]

Anyway, so they did a really cool thing.  Can't imagine how it relates to her eyes, but they hung a ball from the ceiling.  Then, she's supposed to bat it around.  Now, this is an activity that makes sense to a cat.  We can bat balls around.  And we want to, too.  The problem is it's too high.  We can't reach it.  If you are going to leave a dangling ball around, make it so cats can kill it.  It looks like the soft foam kind of ball.  If we can reach it, we can kill it.  And, trust me, I want to kill it.  

[Dude wants it.]

Dude wants it more than I do.  He watches it all the time and jumps for it.  But none of us has gotten it yet.  

[Egg-shaped things that smell weird hidden throughout the house to be hunted and killed.]

I guess as a consolation prize, our people put little egg-shaped plastic things all over the house for us to kill last night. We didn't get to bat them around much before the kids came downstairs and disappeared them.  But at least we got the night to kill them.  It wasn't as exciting as killing that ball would be.  But I guess we'll take what we can get until humans figure out we're in charge.  

The Right Kind of Play

 

[playing right]

Ruru the Cat here.  A couple of weeks ago, I told you how I like to play.  I chase my tail all over the top of the cat tree.  Okay, so you may think it sounds like a dog thing.  Dogs do NOT have my crazy awesome flexibility and ability to defy gravity.  I do it better. And best of all, there's nothing with claws up there to fight back.  

[Dude playing with a dog]

Dude doesn't get it.  He keeps trying to pick fights.   Worse yet, he sometimes gets dog smells on him by playing with the dog.  Which means that he gets dog smells on MY cat tree.  

[The only thing Toothless gets right-snuggling me.]

Toothless doesn't get it.  He will sometimes let me snuggle him and will sometimes steal my spot at the top of the cat tree. Neither gets how to play right, and they also don't understand the cat tree is mine.  I claimed it, so it's mine.  Old Lady Maya hasn't known how to play for the whole time I've known her.  She just gets grumpy on anything with four legs.  I get that.  That's the only thing I like about her.  My kitten will only play with Dude, which shows poor taste in playmates.  

[Showing yet another example of how to play right.]

Basically, I'm the only one who knows how to play right.  So if you're going to learn how to be a proper cat, look to me. But don't touch me, 'cuz I'm taking a nap from all that play.  

The Wondrous Red Dot

[All hail the awesome dot!]

Ruru the Cat here.  I think I told you before, but I can't be sure.  There's a wonderful thing that showed up in my house this week.  I'm not sure exactly what it is, but it appears, zips around, and then disappears.  It is a bright dot.  I'm not so good with colors, but I think it's red.  I've seen Cali the Wonder Idiot chase it around, and I laughed.  But it appeared just for me, and I couldn't help but be just like her and chase it around.  And around.  And around.  It's a wonderful, wonderful thing.  

[Upstart cats think they can usurp my dot.]

The other cats in my house seem to think it's theirs, but they don't get it.  It's mine.  My red dot.  I will chase it everywhere.  And I will kill it.  No one can kill red dots like me.  I caught it and killed it again and again, but then, it reappeared.  I'm not sure how it can achieve such a wonder.  If I kill a mouse, it stays dead.  But I kill this red dot, and it's back again, just beyond my reach.  I don't understand it, but I love it.  If you've never known the joy of the red dot, you should get one for yourself and try it out.  But just know, even if you do, it's still mine.