Bath Tub No No

Ruru the Cat here.  I never understood my human's capacity for cruelty until this very week when she showed me what an evil place the bathtub can be.  Sometimes, I'll sit on the edge and drink water from a dish they put there just for me.  Sometimes, they'll make it even better by refilling it directly from their warm bath water.  Sometimes, they'll hold up a handful of yummy, warm water and let me sip.  Once, when I got accidentally locked in that room, I had to use that drainage hole as my person-like potty.  A bathtub has even been a nice, friendly space to play.  But this week, the bathtub became a source of the deepest, darkest evil because my person gave me [insert sinister and scary music here] A BATH!!!!  I know, I know.  You think it's not possible that a human as sweet as mine could be that cruel.  But if you don't believe me, watch that video of nightmarish horror above.  I swear it will give you nightmares for weeks, so don't watch it if you are scared easily.

Instead of taking pity on me, my person laughed and rejoiced [if you can believe that] that I said the human word "no."  Of course, I can talk.  I can say a lot of things.  It's just beneath me to make human speech except in extreme emergencies.  And if there's an extreme emergency, it's a bath.  My person tried to apologize later by drying me in a towel, but it was too late.  I have seen that my person has a dark, twisted soul.  A bath.  Seriously.

Later yet, she tried to make the bathtub pleasant by filling it with mint and throwing a kitty party.  Everyone but me hopped right in and played in the wall to wall mint.  Well, you know what? You won't catch me in that bathtub ever again.  Not ever.  Because I have been scarred for life.

Outside

[My whiner brother getting coddled after his supposed trauma.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My whiner brother wants to tell you about his "trauma" this week.  He thinks it's such a big deal that he has to steal my blog this week to tell you all about it.  I figure I'll let him do it just to shut him up.  

This is Scout, and I'm no whiner.  I'm a smart cat, here to patrol my people's place and make it safe.  I'm used to being outside.  I like it.  Every day is an adventure when you can protect your people from mice, voles, bugs, snakes, and other things that may do them harm.  I'm my people's hero.  They adore me.  

Except a couple of days ago, they took me somewhere scary.  It wasn't far away, but they took me through a place with a lot of cars.  Have I told you how much I hate cars?  But we passed through this scary place with a lot of cars to get to this land.  I don't know where it is, somewhere not far.  At first, it was awesome, the biggest adventure I've been on in a while.  I chased bugs and mice while my people did...whatever it is people do.  Who even knows?  Anyway, I got bored just keeping an eye on my people.  They weren't doing anything too interesting.  So I went to scope out the place, make sure there wasn't anything too dangerous that could harm them.  I heard them call my name back where they were, but by then, I was chasing a particularly juicy mouse.  I mean, really big and juicy.  As soon as I was done, I went back to brag about what a wonderful thing I'd done and to let my people pet me and love me... but they were gone.  Totally gone. I smelled them but couldn't find them anywhere. 

 [That scary forest looked like this, but less friendly.]

There is no way I would pass through that place with all the cars again.  I looked.  I looked for a long time.  It got dark, and I was petrified.  I mean, I like the dark, but I was sure I'd never see my people again.  I wandered up and back on this waterway, calling for them, but I couldn't find them anywhere.  It was a long, cold, scary night full of owls, howling coyotes, revving cars nearby, and who knows what else.  The next day, I was some distance away when I heard my people call for me again.  I came running back, but by the time I came, they were gone again.  I had just found another cat to ask for directions when my people showed up again!  They were there!  They saved me and brought me home!  You see?  I'm not a whiner.  It really was the most frightening thing that ever happened to me. 

 [The ordeal of getting booped.  See why I had to run away?] 

Ruru back again.  See?  What did I tell you.  My brother is such a whiner.  One night outside?  Come on.  He's used to that stuff.  I've been through something much more terrifying.  Me, I never go outside.  But I got tired of my person booping my nose even though I kept telling her to stop.  So I decided to run away from home.   I got outside.  I was so scared.  I was afraid I would never find my way home.  But I was rescued before anything bad could happen.  See?  That's real terror.  One night.  Really, Scoutie?  Wuss.  

Five feet.  Ruru got five feet out the back door before she needed a rescue.  Talk about a whiner.  

But they were big feet.  Five very long, terrifying feet.  Besides, this is my blog, not yours.  Mine was scarier. So there.  

Guest Blogger: Toothless's Trauma

Ruru the Cat here.  I could fill your ear with the stuff I've been through this week.  But Toothless, my brother, insists he needs to take the blog this week.  Really?  What, so your little trauma of getting locked out and treated like a stranger is worse than what I've been through?  Fine.  Go ahead, Toothless.  Impress us.

Oh, come on, sister mine.  You've already whined about being left home while your person goes to school.  We've heard all about it.  It's my turn. And you promised.  

So check it.  I guess I'm pretty spoiled.  First thing in the morning, I charge into my person's arms and get snuggled.  All day, every day, as often as possible, I get snuggled.  I get food when I want [like everybody else, I steal it from the doggie dishes] and can beg for water whenever someone's near the sink and can start a drip for me to drink from.  I'm so well loved around here.  

Well, one day this week, I slipped out.  I was kind of confused, thinking I was just going into another room.  It smelled interesting, okay?  But then I figured out I was OUTSIDE the house.  I don't remember EVER going outside.  And it was SCARY.  There's this big, loud, black path out there with lots of big, mean monsters zooming by.  They looked ready to destroy me, leaving my little fuzzy, black body broken on the side of the road.  It was TERRIFYING.  So I started crying and crying to be let in.  But people would come out of the house, look around, and not find me.  Maybe because I was hiding, it was so scary.  I spent most of a day out there.  

Finally, my person came to rescue me.  And she thought I was a STRANGER.  Really?  You don't even know your own cat?  Okay, so I look like every other black cat out there, but we don't all SMELL the same.  What is wrong with people?  They locked me in a cage because they thought I was someone else.  Okay, so I wasn't acting like myself because I was still FREAKED OUT.  I was stuck in that cage for a whole NIGHT.  Then they stuck me in the bathroom for a few hours.  I guess they must have searched the house to make sure I was really me because they finally let me out that night, so I could dash right to where the food was and PROVE I was no stranger.  Man, what is wrong with humanity that they couldn't tell me, their beloved friend, from some other black cat?  Okay, here's Ruru back.  

Man, Toothless, you're such a whiner.  

Hey! Drama queen.   

Too late.  I got my blog back.  You see what I put up with around here?  My suffering is way worse than his.  Seriously.