Butt Noodle Envy

 

[The only one I can handle on my cat tree 'cuz she's smaller than me.]

Ruru the Cat here. I've been hiding in my bedroom the last week. Too much cat drama. Didn't feel like blogging, either. It's hard to blog from an underwear drawer, too.  I mean, this is my house, right? Why am I stuck hiding all the time just because my humans aren't smart enough to get rid of some cats? The ones that aren't me? 

[The upstarts and their soft, soft tails taking over my cat tree.]

Anyway, so I was sitting on my favorite perch at the very top of my cat tree when the annoying brat Wren sat on the second-highest perch. I often remind him he's NOT welcome. This time was no different. But instead of respecting my prior claim, he just laid down, back to me and stuck his stinking butt noodle in my face, like he was trying to be as obnoxious as possible.  

[Can someone order me one of these plushy butt noodles?]

I mean, how is that all the youngest cats all ended up with such plushy butt noodles?  The humans can't seem to get enough of touching them. So I couldn't resist touching it, too. I grabbed it and licked it while he couldn't see me because I wanted to see how soft it was. And man, it was so soft and plushy.  Why couldn't I have such a plushy, soft tail? Humans wouldn't probably pet me twice as much if I had that amazing a tail. Why do the jerks get the plushy butt noodles when I get stuck with my sad, sorry, little one? Makes me grumpy.  Wren has the nerve to not only take over my house, but to challenge my right to the cat tree, and now, to have such a plushy tail. It's just not fair. I'll be over here, in my room that the adult humans think is there, working on plushing up my butt noodle. It'll make me feel better. Not as good as if I could just toss him and his plushy tail out the door. But I'll take what I can get. 

Invader!

 

[The BEAST.]

Ruru the Cat here.  That obnoxious, smelly, big beast is back.  I swear she's at least as big as all the regular dogs combined AND eats ALL the dog food, not just a little at a time AND she comes downstairs, invading the cats' turf. I just can't. I can't. It's not fair. It's my dog food.  It's my house. These are my smells she's covering up with her constant rolling around to show everyone her belly.  

[Hey, Jude, go away.]

And worse yet, this Jude monster has dominated the people non-stop. Not just the people but the WHOLE upstairs. The only cat who can even stand to be anywhere near her is Maya because Maya knows how to tell her where to stick it. I want to do more than growl at that beast, like Maya does.  I want to claw the crap out of her and tell her she's not now nor will she ever be welcome.  

But she's scary. And now, oh joy, she's gone. Apparently, it was just a short visit. And I never want to see her again. Remember this house is mine. So keep her out. 

Zoomies?

[Me and the only cat other than my brother I can mostly tolerate because she's still smaller than me.]

Ruru the Cat here.  The other cats have been bugging me to finally get around to writing my blog.  I didn't wanna.  I've been hiding in my person's mom's room all week 'cuz every time I come out, somebody picks on me.  Just 'cuz I'm smaller than everyone else.  Seriously.  Bullies.  

[Kittens are always in motion.]

Anyway, so it came to my attention humans have come up with yet another annoying word to describe cat behavior: zoomies.  Just 'cuz we suddenly get the need to zoom from one room to another to another.  I really wish humans would let cats come up with our own words. Not that we use words. We just hiss or growl or attack each other if we don't like each other's ear twitches, smells, and body language.  So maybe that wouldn't work so well for people.  Still.  Zoomies?  Such a silly word.  Not that I do the zoomie thing. Too many evil cats around to kill me if I run around like that.  

[I looooooove Zooooooooomies!]

Varya: I love zoomies!  Zoomies zoomies!  We can play tag! We can run all over and chase each other. It's amazing!  Phoenix, Wren, even Paige love zoomies!  It's the best thing ever! 

Ruru:  So crazy kittens like them, apparently.  It's probably because they're crazy.  At least crazy human words and acting like a demonically possessed nut make someone happy.  

Varya: Wheeee!  Zooooooooomies!

 

My Happy Box

 

[My happy box]

Hi!  I'm Varya. Ru's hiding in her underwear drawer 'cuz bigger cats keep picking on her. I wanna show my happy box. I love boxes. I like the big ones that give me lots of space, the little ones that make me feel nice and snug, the new round one upstairs that is nice and soft, the one Ru talked about last week. but there's this new box that has a clear cover.  It makes me feel safe and protected. I climb in it all the time. 

[That's me in the box.]

It's a box that's just my size.  Nobody else can fit there, and nobody can attack me, but I can still swat them from the safety of my happy, safe box that protects me. It's just my box, and I think it's amazing.  Kind of like Ru's drawer, but safer. The people don't seem to like me to be here. Something about the word "plastic." Dunno what that means, but it's my box. All mine. Suddenly, though, it disappeared. I want it to come back. Other boxes are just not the same. They don't protect me like this one. My box.

How to Worship a Cat

[The Pedestal]

Ruru the Cat here.  So my people brought home yet another cat pedestal on which we put ourselves, so they can worship us.  I thought it looked pretty nifty.  See that box at the top?  I can imagine that would be a great little box to sit in, so everyone could see us well.  

[My beautiful cat tree. MINE. Not theirs.]

It's not nearly as awesome as my giant cat tree. It's not even as decent as my old cat tree.  But I was all prepared to break it in. I saw it, so I claimed it. Then, it disappeared upstairs, into the room that used to be mine.  I hear Phoenix, Paige, and Varya love to sit in it 'cuz it's a comfy, soft box.  Let me tell you to show a cat a lovely, comfy spot like that then to tear it away before a cat has the chance to even try it out is just not right.  It's definitely NOT the way to worship a cat correctly.  To worship a cat, you have to give her what she wants.  And I want that new cat tree thing NOW.  Why does no one ever listen to me? 

Another Monster in My House

[Look at that monster.]

Ruru the Cat here.  Our neighbors/my people's relatives must think they're funny.  They brought this NEW dog into my house.  For several minutes, they had me going, making me think it was going to stay.  I don't even want the dogs I HAVE.  What would make them think I'd want another one?  

[Keep your distance, beast.]

Fortunately, I didn't have to get anywhere near that monster.  I've seen their other dogs.  These things start out small and grow to full-blown YETI size.  I seriously think this one is going to do the same.  It's like they put some kind of growth potion on those little things to make them HUGE. At least our dogs stay small and less scary. I let my dogs go sniff it instead.  I don't have to smell it to know I don't want it here.  It's a DOG.  

[See Bean's ears flat to his head? Yeah. That sums it up for me.  

Bean acted freaked out by the thing, so at least he has some brain cells.  The other two acted like they wanted to be its best friend.  Once those people left with their fat little dog thing, I breathed a sigh of relief.  But then, my people came back yesterday smelling like they'd touched it, like they may invite it back in.  Just say no to dogs.  Not kidding.  

Mine!

[It's mine.  I got the cat tree first. Get off, Toothless.]

 Ruru the Cat here.  So we got this truly awesome new cat tree, and it's all mine.  You can't have it.  I don't care if I can only occupy that topmost branch to rule over the whole room at the same time. I like it, so no one else can have it. 

[Here's me exploring the rest of the cat tree.]

 I've explored the whole thing and found it all comfy, so it's MINE.  I like the soft, fuzzy ground.  I like the scratchable posts.  I love my perch at the top.  And there are two boxes that are just my size.  

[I see you there, Wren, thinking you're so sneaky. That's mine, too.]

Other cats will sneak into it while I'm not looking, but I will defend it 'til their dying breath.  It bugs me that other cats don't understand that they bought this for JUST ME.  

[Get off.  It's mine.]

And sometimes, they all try to rain on my parade at ONCE.  You just don't get it.  I don't care how many fluffy cat tails I have to kick off.  It's MINE.