The Enemy!

 

[Stranger in the forbidden room.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I smell the enemy, especially when I pass the forbidden door by my people's room.  We animals are not allowed in there.  Sometimes, Phoenix the One-Eyed Wonder will sneak in there just by her persistence with doors. She sits in front of doors, whether she wants to go in or not. Front doors, back doors, doesn't matter.  Something's not right with that cat. She's wired funny.  Even the people have caught on.  So I know a cat can get in there, but they usually keep it closed. Probably because anytime it's open, the dumb dogs go in there and pee on the floor. Nasty beasties. 

[The enemy eating MY food.]

Anyway, a new resident took up the space there.  I hear it's because our neighbors with the yetis and that annoying little spotted mutt that sometimes came here moved away. The enemy cat smells like them. And evil cat. By evil, I mean anyone that's not me, especially strangers.  I run by that room fast. I haven't seen him yet, but I have heard him. He's LOUD and NEEDY.  He sits around, demanding humans come in and pet him ALL THE TIME. I can't imagine why they brought the enemy in past their front door. Cats are like vampires, I think. They can only get in if you let them in.  

[All anyone needs in a cat: ME]

Don't we have enough and too many non-me cats? Like I said, once you have an amazing cat like me, you don't need anyone else.  You can just pet me.  All the time.  I can't believe they'd let a needy cat like the enemy into MY house.  Without even asking me.  Seriously. One day, someone will realize I'm the queen of the world.  In the meantime, I'm stuck hearing the enemy whine.  

Bean's Field Trip

 

[My mommy and me on a trip]

Hi!  I'm Bean!  They also call me Mr. Bean and Beanie Boo. I don't know why. But Ru hasn't felt like blogging. She's been stuck in my mommy's room all the time and has gotten grumpy. That's okay.  I can tell you all about the time they took me on a fun trip!  I got to ride my mommy's shoulder and everything in the car. It was great.

[The only place I want to be: with my mommy.]

She even took me out to introduce me to a whole crowd of people. "Family Reunion," they called it. Don't know what that means. I didn't see anyone I think of as family except my people. But some people were really nice to me.  They were strangers, but I really like strangers. They petted me and talked to me and thought I was cute and liked that I ride my mommy around on her shoulders. I don't know what a family reunion is, but I liked it. I also got free food. 

[Don't make me angry. I'll whine at you when I'm angry.]

Then, we drove back. Everything was great and wonderful until my mommy went into a place that smelled like food WITHOUT ME. She left me with the man I usually like EXCEPT when he takes me away from my MOMMY. Oh, I freaked out. I screamed. I knew my person wouldn't willingly leave me like that. It felt like FOREVER that she was past the door and SO far away. But then she came back, and my smile came back. I sat on her shoulder, determined she would never leave me again. Still an awesome trip. My mommy just shouldn't leave me.  

Ru: Thanks for reminding me why I'm glad I'm not a dog. Talk about whiny and co-dependant. As long as she brought you back food, she's done her duty by you. Duh. Teach me to loan my blog to a dog. 

Happy Birthday to Me!

[Something yummy this way comes.]

Ruru the Cat here. I was minding my own business one random day, wishing my dumb people would come back from wherever they'd disappeared to for an entire night (jerks--yeah, they fed me before they left, but why go somewhere else when I'm HERE?  I am the center of their world. Hello.) 

[Ruling over my Kingdom on my Cat Tree.]

When my humans finally came back, they started saying this weird phrase, "Happy birthday."  To a cat, this phrase is really meaningless. I understand birth. That's where someone produces an annoying, tiny, loud thing from...somewhere. Not sure where these obnoxious things called babies come from. They just ARE like dogs, loud noises, and other annoyances. Day. That's the cycle from when humans are boring to when they get interesting then back to boring again. Something about light and dark, not that these are interesting concepts to a cat, either. There's not THAT much of a difference. Come on. 

[Meat! And catnip!]

Anyway, so my humans came to me as I sat on the cat tree and said that meaningless phrase. What was meaningful was that they gave me meat. And cheese. And catnip. So what is this birthday stuff? Got me. Couldn't tell you. Don't care. But I'll take a birthday every day of the week if it means more cheese. And meat. And catnip. And everyone looking up in worship at me.  

Invasion of the Mutt

[The mutt brat] 

Ruru the Cat here. We were stuck with the monstrous beast the size of all our dogs put together for DAYS. Worse, yet, she's a puppy. We were stuck with her whole days!  It was absolute misery, even worse than last time. The thing is energy in fur. It's constantly on the move, chasing everyone around, surrounding my people with her smells and eating all our dog food. Most of us hid downstairs, though I hid in my people's room. 

[Even the dogs don't like her.]

What made it even worse was that my favorite person in the world I used to hang out with all the time was right there in the living room the whole time. I could have gone up there and gotten love. Instead, there was the dumb mutt wherever I turned. Even Bean found it terrifying. I couldn't even sneak up to my person and get any love AT ALL. It made me feel a little better that my person complained about the dog, too. 

On the bright side, at least she hasn't come back. Here's hoping that's forever. This is my house. I'm the queen. And I see we don't need more dogs. 

Watching the Herd Make Fools of Themselves

[Above the chaos]

 Ruru the Cat here. As I sat on my throne at the top of the cat tree, I watched everyone else chase the Little Red Dot. It should have been mine, but I wasn't about to come down when all six of the others (Paige spends all her time hiding in what used to be my room, so she wasn't there) PLUS our dumb dogs chased the thing around. I get chased around enough around here by unworthy ruffians who are twice my size. So like the Queen that I am, I sat on my throne and watched their antics instead. 

[Silly Varya leaves her pipe cleaner to fight for the dot]

It looked like little Varya, the kitten, had never seen one of those red dots of light before. She was most determined to catch it. She was mowing everyone down to get to it. We all thought my brother, Chonk (aka Toothless) got it for a while because it disappeared when he pounced on it. He's not a very good mouser, and nobody takes him seriously, least of all me. But I was happy for him for one second when he had the Red Dot. 

[Halloween cats fighting for the dot.]

But when my people started laughing, I figured there was a trick. I couldn't see it, but the Red Dot of Awesomeness wasn't stopped in any way. All three of the black cats seemed quite sure they were going to get it, even Maya, who hates everyone and is Supreme Evil. Even little Varya (who scares everyone else in the house) knows to skulk around her. But none of them caught the thing. 

[Wren: Brainless but Pretty

Dumb Wren, whose entire self-appointed job is to be the prettiest cat in the house, got in on the fun. Yeah, his obnoxious prettiness didn't have a chance. The only mice he's ever caught have already been dead or have been stolen from someone else. Then, he loses them 'cuz the mice have more smarts than he does, even when they're dead. I was thrilled Wren didn't do what no one else could because he's a brat who loves to chase me like the sad little pretty boy he is. 

[The tiny bully]

The fun ended when that bully dog, Bean, who is smaller than me, went charging through the room barking. I don't know what it is about a barking dog, but even the smallest, most pathetic dog can scare a cat if he runs fast enough and barks loudly enough. And Bean is that pathetic dog. All the silly cats scattered when the five-pound twig charged through. But to reward his self-important bluster, the Red Dot disappeared entirely. Not sure how it does that or where it goes. Thinking it may be magic. But there it went. And I continued to sit on my throne, feeling smug that I hadn't made a fool of myself like everyone else. I just sat there, knowing I could have caught it because I'm Queen of the World. I've never caught it before, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have this time. 

Alone Is My Happy Place

[The only one I need in my world.]

Ruru the Cat here.  There are so many reasons I like to be alone in my adult people's room. One is that the adult people are often there, giving love to just me. I'll follow them around and sit on them to remind them they need to love me. I know this may not sound like alone to you, but if there are no cats or dogs around, it's alone enough for me. People don't really count. They are my favorite kind of pet. 

[Even the little ones are getting big and scary.]

However, when I step foot outside, all the cats that are bigger than me (which is almost everyone) like to chase me around and beat on me. Even the ones that I thought I were terrified of me because I bullied them when they were little. Now, they bully me instead. It's just not fair. 

The only places I feel safe are on my cat tree because I can defend my throne on my cat tree, in my people's room, and in my underwear drawer. No one can find me or beat on me there. Or, on the tree, I can defend it and beat on anyone who tries to mess with me. Everywhere else, I feel so small and beat-on-able. 

[Raccoons and badgers and cars. Oh, my.]

I also can't go outside. I've heard too many scary things about cats getting killed by those big box things called cars. They're the worst kind of predator. Our neighbor lost another cat to these monsters. But there are also winged monsters and clawed monsters I don't understand out there. No, that's not a place to feel safe.  So I'll stay in my underwear drawer or my people's room or my cat tree and feel safe and powerful and strong. Toothless, quit laughing at me. I'm still queen of the world, even if not enough worship me. Just a small queen. Amazingness comes in small package. 

Dog Blog

 

[Something's out of place.]

Jude: Hi! My name is Jude! I'm a puppy! Ru said I could type her blog, so here I am! I love to visit my neighbors 'cuz I can poop everywhere and run around outside in a fence! It's so much fun! But I miss my people when I'm here! I also miss my favorite cats in the world at my house! I love to chase them around. Here, the cats just hide!

Ru: You see the problem. Of course we hide. She's big and scary. A PUPPY, which is even worse than our three tiny dogs that I can bully. It's such a pain to have a yappy, annoying, busy puppy in my house. 

[Dumb pup in my dog food bowl.]

Jude: I thought I was blogging! It's my turn!

Ru: Shows how much you know. Like I'd let some dumb mutt steal my whole blog. I'm just telling the truth after you get done showing everything else. 

Jude: I'm confused! Anyway, so I was here for a whole day while my family went somewhere they called an amusement park! I wish I could be there with them! Instead, I was stuck at the neighbor's eating everything I could. 

Ru: You see the problems? Dogs are all confused. They think they're in charge just 'cuz they're big and that they have a right to MY dog food. 

 

[Stick with those just like you, the ones who can't spell IQ.]

Jude: But it was fun. I got to hang out and play with the little dogs and go on a walk!  I even chased a cat out of the weeds!  It was great! I missed my people, but I love visiting with neighbors!

Ru: Makes one of us.