Corona What? Silly Human Freakouts

[TP?  Who needs it? Source.]

Ruru the Cat here.  I keep hearing all the people around here and elsewhere freaking about the corona something.  I don't get it.  I thought Corona was something nasty humans drink.  I don't get why that's leading to mass hysteria.  Humans keep worrying about lack of toilet paper.  Cats have that dealt with this nicely, no need to rush anywhere and buy anything.  And washing hands?  Same thing.  I have this awesome sanitary tongue.  But you can't borrow it.  Humans are gross.

[School?  Who needs it? Source]

And no school or school at home?  I don't get school's purpose, anyway.  It just takes my person away from me.  I'm all about her staying home.  I'm also all about my person's mom working less.  It means I get more attention.  Not kidding.  I'm not seeing any downside here, unless other people are supposed to come here to go to this school something.  That would be a nightmare.  I just don't need warm bodies here that I can't claim.  See last week's blog.

[Food I can't find myself?  Who needs it? Source.]

And the food supply?  No worries.  We can catch mice.  We can hunt down table scraps if there are any.  If any bugs come by, we can get those, too, for extra protein.  Besides, there's always the magical food dish that refills itself every night.  If you don't have one, you should get one.

[Just be me.]

See?  There's no reason to freak out.  Just stay home.  Lounge around on the sofa.  Lick yourself and catch mice.  I do all of that all the time, anyway.  Just be a cat.  Then, you don't have any worries.

Invader

[The new public enemy #1]

Ruru the Cat here.  Was this some cosmic joke?  We have FOUR dogs.  FOUR.  Two dogs, two puppies.  It feels like we have 26 puppies because they're EVERYWHERE.  This week, a neighbor shows up with a new dog who's about the size of the mama dog.  Seriously?  26 is not enough for everyone? 

[This is just too much.  That hand should be mine.]

But the truly frustrating thing was that this dog wanted to be the center of everyone's attention.  No sooner would she leave one person than she'd glom onto another.  Everyone with hands had to give her and ONLY her love.  If two puppies could become 26, this dog seemed like fifty.  That's 76 little dogs taking over my house.  One dog is too many.  This kind of math is ridiculous. 

[At first, it seemed like she could keep her distance, would just be just another dog.]

If one of we cats snuck out to spend quality time with a person to get some attention, the dog would growl and show she'd claimed every set of hands in the house.  The puppies were able to sneak in and get love.  They just ignored her growling.  But we cats kind of have to take dog chasing seriously.  You never know when a dog, even a tiny, dumb dog, can actually hurt you. 

[Then, suddenly, she seemed to be everywhere!]

It was frustrating, to say the least.  Day after day, this dog was here, taking up all the love that should have been mine.  It drove me insane.  Then, a beautiful thing happened.  The person who dropped her off came to pick her up.  Something about a new home for that ugly little love-stealing mutt.  I felt like Christmas and birthday and everything beautiful had come early.  I'm free!  Suddenly, 26 annoying little puppies don't seem so bad. 

Weird Stuff!!!!

[The weird poky place.  I think they called it a vet.]

Hi hi hi!  I'm Bean!  The cat's not here, so I can share stuff with you!  I'm a puppy!  They took me lots of new places recently!  They took me to a weird place with nothing to play with.  They poked me with a needle thing.  It hurt all day.  I felt yucky and yelped whenever they touched me.  It was sad.  I hid in my bed all day, so no one would touch me.  But the next day, I felt way better.  It was great!  

[The weird Outside room]

Also, this week, for the first time ever, they took us to a big room called Outside.  It had a cold, hard ground with white stuff on it.  I think we're supposed to potty there, but I thought we were supposed to potty on those little pad things.  Anyway, so every little while, they take us to the big, cold Outside room, so we can potty.  But there's so much fun stuff to kill out there that it's hard to think about potty when we gotta play with mama and kill sticks and weeds and stuff.  It's so COOOL!!!

[The Walk thing.]

And yesterday, they put me in this thing they called a harness.  I didn't like that at all.  But then they took us down the road on what they called a Walk.  We just, you know, walked.  But it was sooo awesome!  We went a long long way.  My feet got tired, so I had to be held.  It was cold, but we got treats, so I LOVED it.  

[Weird stuff on the ground.]

And today, I went to the Outside room, and there was a whole new ground down.  It was really white and really cold and covered up all the fun stuff we usually like to play with out there.  It also covered up all my potty spots, so they were harder to find.  It got in my fur and everything.  I was so confused that the weird stuff was everywhere.  The Outside room and the poky place and the walk and everything make me think there's maybe more to this world than I thought there was.  I wonder what else is out there.  

Ah, man.  Ru the Cat here.   Shoo, little hairball. That dumb puppy stole my blog again.  Ah, well.  I guess that means I don't have to write one.  Wow, can I tell you how happy I am to not have to deal with all this crap?  Now, if only I didn't have puppies to deal with, my life would be perfect. 

Shrunken Heads and Other Symptoms of Baths

[When you know your nightmare has just begun.]

Ruru the Cat here.  My frenemy, Maya, came close to that nasty B-word, a bath this week.  I watched my person grab her to take her in there, but then she got distracted by the puppies.  Whew.  When one of the cats gets a bath, I'm very sure I'm next. 

[The picture of misery: cat post-bath.]

Let me tell you that baths are the greatest evil on this planet.  I've seen them happen but haven't had one of these horrors happen to me in a while.  I still shudder when I flashback to the times my person plunged me into a whole tub of nasty, evil water.  Gah.  So ugly.  So terrifying.  I don't know how people can stand it. 

[Just pitiful.  Mama dog in the tub.]

I almost feel bad for the dogs because they get monthly baths.  But those poor, unfortunate little hairballs called puppies seem to get those awful baths almost once a week, almost more.  They whine and act like they're being murdered every time.  It's really close to a murder.  I swear it. 

[Pitiful Pup]

But I have to say that while they're whining and complaining, I'm laughing my guts out.  Those things shrink to half their size with these big bulgy eyes while I'm dying watching from my favorite hidey hole in the towel drawer.  Nobody sees me except when they go in to grab a hand towel.  And they're not doing that while they're drenching those dumb puppies.  Then, they haul those sodden, trembling, cold fuzz balls into the living room to brush and brush and brush them while aiming this horrible thing that sounds loud and looks like a gun but only blows air at them.  They sound like they're dying the whole time.  *Snurfle.*  It's always hilarious. 

[Puppy with shrunken head.]

The craziest, creepiest time was when Bean, the annoying little spotted one who keeps stealing my blog and my person, stuck his head into a dish and came out looking sticky but smelling milky and wonderful.  The humans didn't like this so much, but they'd just given the poor little martyr the full bath treatment.  So they just washed his head.  And it shrunk.  I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life.  What's the moral of the story?  No baths.  Unless it's for dumb little puppies and for cats' amusement. 

A Moment of Peace

[How to have a good time: just me]

Ruru the Cat here.  It sucks that my people left me for a night.  They were supposed to stay here and love me.  On the bright side, they took those obnoxious little fuzzbutts with them.  And, they locked the dogs into the bathroom, so they wouldn't make a mess all over every floor. That was the great news.  No dogs!  Sylvie was left in her room!  Just cats I can beat on if they mess with me.  It was a beautiful taste of paradise.  Or would have been, except my person was gone.

Okay, fine.  The annoying little hairballs have returned and want to say something.  I know they'll keep yipping if I don't let them speak. 

[Happy me playing on the bed in the hotel room.]

Wheee!!  This is Bean!  I got to go with my people on a road trip!  It was GREAT!!!  Okay, so I didn't like every time I got put in that annoying cage.  I didn't like that at all.  But the rest of it was GREAT!!!  We got held and cuddled and played with the whole WAY.  It was sad that they wouldn't let me play with Daddy.  I don't get it.  Just 'cuz he was holding this round thing and staring out the front of the loud, rumbly thing we were riding in, I don't see why he couldn't play with me.  

[They brought our stuff with us!]

But we got to play all over this big room that smelled fresh and clean and had soft beds we could play on.  The floor was smooth, but we had all the familiar stuff like our potty pads and food and got treats for going potty.  It was great.  Except when they put us in cages then came back smelling like food.  Can't we go get food, too?  But they brought us bacon!  So it was okay.  It was SO FUN!

[Lameness 'cuz it's not me.]

  
 It just doesn't sound like fun at all to me except bacon.  I hear my person left me to play in water and hang out in something called ice castles.  Just why?  I'm way better than water or ice.  Or puppies.  Or cars.  Definitely better than puppies.  Then again, what isn't?

Revenge of Toddlergeddon!

[The little one and one of the monsters]

GAH!!!  Ruru the Cat here.  I was just telling you about the nightmares I was having, those flashbacks back to the last time those monsters came to my house.  Then, suddenly, there they were, haunting my house!  The little one was eating the dog food I like to steal, though mostly, she hung out near her people, the big ones that bring the monsters. 

[The faces of destruction.]

No, the real problems were the Destructo Duo!  They were everywhere, in almost every room.  I hid in my person's room, trembling anytime they came anywhere near those stairs.  I listened to the duo crashing and bashing their way through the house, eating everything they could reach, throwing stuff around everywhere, kind of like locusts but taller and LOUDER. 

[When monsters get together] 

But they couldn't get enough of the other thorn in my side, those yappy little hairballs that now have started to look like mini dogs.  I was quite sure they were worms, but they've grown legs and tails and now eat my dog food right out of the dish I've claimed as my own.  And they're now everywhere, too, no longer restricted to the sofa.  So much for my house.  Anyway, I was hoping the two sets of monsters would have a fight to the death over turf and take each other out, leaving the house to me. 

Alas, it was not to be.  They actually seemed to become allies, friends even.  *Shudder.*   I hate to think what they'll do to my poor house when next they get together.  I think I'll get a jump on it and hide somewhere. 

My Red Dot!

[My dot.  I saw it first.]

Ruru the Cat here.  It's my red dot, the one that sometimes appears when humans wave a pen around.  I don't know what it is, but it's mine.  I've talked about it a couple of times, so you know it's mine.  Well, now everyone in the house wants to play with my red dot.  Seriously?  I claimed it.  What gives them the right?  'Cuz, you know, mine.  

[Maya thinks it's hers, like the house]

Both Maya, the one who thinks she's queen of the house, and my dumb brother, Toothless, both want the dot.  Do they not realize it's MY dot?  I don't know what it is, where it comes from, or even how to kill it, but I WILL figure it out.  Just me.  Worst of all, SYLVIE, that dumb invader in my house, wants the dot.  BUT IT'S MY DOT.  

[Did I say worst of all?]

I was wrong.  There is something worse than Sylvie wanting my dot.  It's that the puppies claimed my dot.  They poop on whatever they claim, which will ruin it entirely.  Sylvie, at least, has the good sense to just walk away.  The puppies have no sense at all.  

[GAH!] 

Worse yet, it almost looks like one of them CAUGHT IT!  NO!  They're dumb and silly!  They can't have figured out the mystery of the dot before me!  This is not fair.  I gotta go find that dot.  Prove I'm the only one that can kill it.  'Cuz I'm the rightful queen of the house.