Worse than Toddlergeddon...Toddlerpocalypse!

 

[Bringers of chaos worse than the kittens they hold.]

Ruru the cat here. I thought they were gone and would never come again. But here they were again...the toddler monsters. Except there were more of them. And they'd gotten bigger! They could chase cats faster! It was terrifying. Even hiding in my people's bedroom didn't feel safe. They were everywhere, all four or was it forty? Before, there were three, and they were half this size. The children...far worse than kittens because they could open doors with those fingers of theirs.

[The storm comes home]

It used to be a couple of full-sized humans would bring their little monsters here every few months or so. But then, we went two blessed years without them coming by. So, I thought the chaos was over for good. But I was wrong, oh, so wrong! Suddenly, without warning, they were back! And they brought a dog! 

[Bean and Angel--more chaos in every corner.]

I vaguely remembered their dog as the sister of our Bean, except she was twice his size. Huge, and everywhere. As if the kids weren't enough chaos. Suddenly, two quietish dogs became three yappy beasts bouncing everywhere. And the tongues! Everywhere! Threatening to lick whomever and eat all my dog food. 

[Plague of locusts taking over my house.]

They took over our house, the whole house, even Phoenix's special room (also known as the guest room/office). No corner went untouched with sticky fingers and chaos. Popcorn, spaghetti, brownies, insipid, ridiculous TV noises, paper shreds, crayons...everywhere they went, they streamed a loud, gooey mess. The rest of the cats fled to the basement. I hid where I usually do: in my people's room. We all knew we could fall prey to the locusts at any time. It was an absolute hurricane for a full 24 hours. 

[The storm blew over next door.]

Finally, they went next door to torture those poor kittens in that first picture, little ones who couldn't even flee or defend themselves. Then, I hear they chased around some poor goats and even a yeti (one of those big, white, smelly dogs I'm glad doesn't come over here). Fortunately, they brought their chaos there instead. Please tell me we can put up "No Toddlergeddon" signs. There has to be a way to toddler-proof this house, so they can't get in again. 

The Dreaded V-Word

[Do I look like I want to suffer like this?]

Ruru the Cat here. This has been a really rough few months. First, my family brought kittens into the house. Lots of kittens. So many kittens. At least ten, though it felt like a hundred. Then, they kept one. Seriously. There were already eight cats here. We did not need another. The youngest was four, but you could have fooled me. They all look and act like kittens. But it got worse. I know. Hard to believe. Those kittens brought eye infection into the house. Yeah, it sucked for everyone else when they all got that eye goo. But worst of all, they gave it to me. ME. I do not deserve this. I don't even like kittens. And that new one keeps trying to invade my room.  It's mine. Go away, Roswell.  

This grievous injury was apparently not enough torture. My people started putting burning eye drops into my eyes. I don't approve. I didn't want it, still don't want it. But when the drops didn't work, they stuck me in a box, that cage-like box. Such a nightmare. 

[The very devil.]

Was that enough torture? Of course not. They hauled that box into the scary world of OUTSIDE. Without my permission. And stuck me in a CAR. A CAR. Just no. The thing is loud and stinks. This is torture. There must be laws against this kind of horror. 

[Strapped down.]

They strapped my box into that stupid car, so there was no way I could escape. As if I've figured out a way outside the box. *Shudder.* I don't understand how this could possibly be a good idea. How do humans tolerate this kind of treatment? They even seem to like that, almost as much as the singularly dense dogs we have. 

[That horrible V word.]

The car was so loud and the box uncomfortable. But that was nothing on my getting hauled into the big building they call the vet. Yes, that's the V-word. VET. Not a good word. The thing is full of sounds of tortured souls and the smells of big, scary dogs and cats. I was sure I was gonna DIE. What did I do to deserve oo of this? 

[The chamber of horrors.] 

Then, strangers stared at me and talked about me as if I wasn't in the room. Even my person did this. It was just awful. I vaguely remember going a place like that before and getting poked and prodded and fed nasty stuff. I hope that was a false memory of nightmares past. I've heard some animals like me go into that place and never return. How can you humans live with yourselves, knowing there are nightmares like this in the world? 

[Back into the box]

Finally, we headed home. It was actually a relief to be stuck in the box and then into that loud, obnoxious car. At least it meant my ordeal was almost over. Now, I put up with that nasty, burning goo in my eye as long as I don't have to go back through all of that again. 

Planting a New Cat Tree

  

(My Old Cat Tree)

  Ruru the Cat here. Yeah, this happened a while ago, but I'm still grumpy about it. I've been grumpy about a lot of stuff, so I haven't felt like blogging. They took my favorite cat tree, where I felt at home and safe, and stuck it in the basement. Yeah, it's still there. Other cats can sit on it, but I always get surrounded by bullies down there. I am NOT going down there. Too many other-cat smells.

[The new cat tree. Not mine.]

Meanwhile, they put another cat tree upstairs. It already had other cat smells, which made it offensive. Like other-OTHER cat smells, ones of scary cats I never met. Plus, everyone else claimed a spot on it before I could. Especially those two remaining obnoxious kittens. They finally got rid of the seven. Took 'em long enough. But one of them only comes and goes. I keep hearing he's supposed to move away forever, but who knows? Forever hasn't come yet. So, he keeps coming back and tearing up my living room with the kitten who, from what I hear, has moved in. ANOTHER kitten. Seriously. Are eight not enough for you? We have to have nine or ten? And they've pretty much claimed the new cat tree. 

[Kittens: the root of most of my woes.]

I watched Dude try to climb on it and not find any space for his big fat butt. It was hilarious. The whole cat tree wobbles with his weight. Which is another reason I don't like the new cat tree. But no one asks my opinion for anything around here. If they had, they would never have invited more kittens in. The dumb kittens who gave everyone eye infection, which just spread to me recently. It was fine when everyone else had it, but now I have it. Seriously. New cat trees. Kittens. Eye infection. I'm too old for all of this.  

It's Raining Kittens

 

[Monsters]

Ruru the Cat here. As if one set of three little monsters wasn't enough. My people brought in SEVEN more. SEVEN. I don't know if you're aware of this, but seven monsters is a lot worse than having three. But it gets worse. My people never got rid of two of the first three. I still hope they will. That means we eight sane(ish) cats were outnumbered by nine crazy kittens. 

[More monsters.]

Fortunately, my person has a neighbor caring for three of them, which means after a few days, we got down to six, so we cats are back to outnumbering the kittens. Still. My humans must be insane to bring those beasts in. They got goat milk, soft food, and all the good things I should be getting. It's just not fair. 

[Yet more.] 

The problem is that neighbor is only caring for those kittens. Which could mean we're under threat of a return to overwhelming numbers. I hear rumors that these kittens, like most of the others before them, have a place to go in a couple of weeks. A place that's not here. This is good. I hope that rumor is true. 

[ENOUGH ALREADY.]

It's not just the kittens crawling everywhere. It's that they're occupying the office, which should be Phoenix's. If she's not in her room at night, she's out where I get stuck being her "best friend." She thinks we're playing. She wants to chase me around and claw at me. This is not play. This is terrifying. She's HUGE. Like twice my size. 

[The one I'm worried may not leave.]

Okay. Enough with the kittens. No more kittens. Ever. I don't care which neighbor wants us to take in more of these clawing, ravenous, whiny beasties, even temporarily. I've raised enough of them. And strange to say, even though I'm such a wonderful cat, the ones I've raised all hate me. Six out of the eight really large cats in the house think I'm Satan because I happened to hate them when they were little. Now, they hate me now they're big. Strange how that works. Except Phoenix, but she's never been quite right in the head. The other one is the little old lady cat who hates everyone but Varya because Varya didn't give Maya the chance to stay a hateful, angry old biddy to her. Now, they're besties and joined in their hatred of me. Seriously. No more cats. No more kittens. Just none. 

The Monsters Have Come

[How much I love kittens.]

Ruru the Cat here. Dangit. That annoying cat, Varya, was right. My people brought home more kittens. I was hoping she was kidding, but she had way too much fun teasing me for me to have peace of mind. Then again, teasing me is one of her favorite hobbies. How can three little monsters be everywhere at once, making everything reek of them?

 

[Back when Phoenix the one-eyed wonder was a kitten.]

And with the way they took her room, I'm stuck coming face to face with Phoenix wayyy too often. Phoenix is that one-eyed cat who thinks we're best friends. We are NOT best friends. She's big and scary and tries to play with me. She doesn't even know how to cat. Dude the panther-sized cat has tossed her in the bath water when she hasn't dipped her own tail in, as if she's not aware it's even there. Why do my people need her again? They have me. I mean, I haven't figured out why my people have any other cats, let alone the dogs. All anyone needs is me. 

[The Three Little Monsters eating MY food.]

And now, there are those silly kittens. The kittens get better food than me, more attention than me, and have been allowed to get way too close to me and even breathe my air. It's my air. I got to it first. Please tell me they're leaving again and soon. Do they not know kittens become cats? I don't think I can take any more cats taking up permanent air and food from my house. Get rid of those monsters soon. 

An Appropriate Box for an Evil Cat

 

[Where this cat belongs.]

Ruru the Cat here. I don't much like the cats around here, mostly because I don't like other cats. Worst of all is the most recent kitten, the one who never grew up. She's still smaller than me. or so I tell myself. But she doesn't mind being small. She's got all the confidence of large cat, but even the resident grumpy old lady cat finds her endearing. Not me. She sneaks up behind me and swats me just for fun. I've never seen a more appropriate box than this one for that cat. 

[Varya's horrible rumor.]

Well, this villainous cat, Varya, has been telling me a most nightmarish rumor, which is that we may get more kittens around here soon. I can only hope this is yet more lies she's telling me just to be evil. She told me she heard it from one of our people. I can't believe our people would be that terrible to me. Okay, I can believe it because they've done it before. Multiple times. I just don't WANT to believe it. So I won't. 

Doggie Fieldtrips I Don't Envy

 

[As far from home as I want to get--the living room.]

Ruru the Cat here. I would tell you why I haven't written in a while, but cats don't give up their secrets. So I don't leave the house. Ever. I don't want to. It's scary out there. There are monsters that killed my brother. There are monsters that would be happy to kill me, flying monsters, rolling monsters with engines, fluffy monsters. I hear about them but don't want to meet them, myself. I've only ever left the house against my will. But the dogs will often run out of the house like it's an exciting thing. As I've said before, dogs are nuts. 

[Our house panther/bully.]

Often, the dogs just run out back. Sometimes, they go on walks. On a LEASH. And they LIKE it. It makes absolutely no sense. For a while, my people scammed Dude into thinking he was a dog and got him to go out on a leash. Soon enough, he figured out he was a cat. Now, he's a panther who rules the house. No one would dare take him for a walk now. Though they sometimes grab him and hold him and pet him. It does NOT make him happy. He's four times my size. I have nothing to do with him if I can help it. 

[Leaving the house: it's a TRAP.]

Well, field trips can get worse. Much MUCH worse. One time, Bean left with a smile on his face, and it turned out they tricked him into a BATH. There are real reasons I don't go anywhere. I never can tell if they're going to trick me into a bath. *Shudder.*

[Bean at the Vet: Just no.]

Oh, but it can get worse still. Recently, they took both dogs out, and both were so happy. But then, they dragged them to the VET. I can't imagine a worse field trip than getting stabbed and poked and prodded like that. Let me tell you that going outside is just a bad idea. Friends don't let friends leave the house. If someone invites you to leave EVER, just say no.